Column 8

More tomato tales (C8). Dennis Dorwick of Jannali writes: "On a recent walk I discovered this sign attached to the fence of a building site near Sutherland: 'Whoever stole my tomatoes, you are welcome to them. I didn't plant them. They grew out of the SEWER PIPE that leaked. Now you know why we didn't eat them.'"

John Swanton of Botany is up to speed: "Approaching roadworks near home the speed display told me I was doing 77 kmh and to 'slow down'. Next day same place, same speed, it told me I was doing 31 kmh and read 'thank you'. I took the average of approx 50 kmh and felt safe. Something needs to be recalibrated and it's not me."

"Reports of explosions in the pantry (C8) sent me to check on a bottle of Morello Pitted Cherries in my own cupboard," writes Llieda Wild of Eastwood. "It was a Christmas gift from twenty years ago and never used and is still intact, the little button on the lid still down. So are these cherries still safe to open and is this some kind of a record?"

Following the recent slew of unwelcome Americanisms (C8) comes better news from Ron Quinton of Mylestom: "Good on you Terry Durack for your description in Good Food of 'freshly opened oysters' as opposed to 'freshly shucked'. For as long as I can recall we've always opened our oysters, not shucked them."

John Whiteing of Willoughby has an addition to the lexicon of useless jargon (C8): "Years ago I was looking into high-speed laser printers for mass mailing. I was directed to a user by a printer manufacturer to see their offering in operation. During the visit I noticed near the base of the 'engine room' a circular screen with the letters AMD written above it. I asked what that component was and was told that it was the 'air movement device' outlet. Naturally I asked why they didn't just put FAN above it. 'Because', was the answer, 'the geeks in IT will ask, what is an F.A.N.?'"

Jonty Grinter of Katoomba is another struggling to find the digital Granny (C8): "I used the search facility and up came C8 circa 2010. There was no mention of that gentleman from Mangerton back then, so I can only presume George Manoljovic has kidnapped the recent ones for his archives. Could you ask him to return Granny to her rightful place please?"