Column 8

Ian Campbell, of Hurlstone Park, returned to pick up his car from a car park and found a NSW Fire vehicle had parked beside him. As he got into his car he looked over at the vehicle's door and noticed the Fire Brigade's website printed on it: FIRE.NSW.GOV.AU. Ian wondered if this really was their website, or an earnest request.

With all the reports of exploding objects (C8) Alan Marel, of North Curl Curl, is sure "it's only a matter of time before we move on to cases of spontaneous combustion. Any out there?"

"There is benefit in devices being described by their function, like the 'air movement device' (C8)," writes John Dawson, of Wattle Grove."A kindly engineer explained refrigeration to me by saying: 'It is just a heat transfer device.' No need to explain now why I can't leave the fridge door open to cool the room." John also asks if "someone can explain in three words what a 'transistor' does?"

Adding to the notoriety of IBM (C8), Tony Moo, of North Sydney, shares the story of "the huge IBM sign on the infamous Patpong Road in Thailand in the 1950s and '60s, with identical design as the IT conglomerate's logo, advertising 'International Body Massage'. Apparently IBM left its Patpong Road office premises and did not wish to incur the cost of removing its sign. A shrewd Thai operator took over said premises and it became very popular for computer programmers to visit after work, telling their family that they were being held up at IBM."

Useless jargon (C8) seems to be more contagious than rotavirus these days and exposure to it produces similar gastrointestinal symptoms, metaphorically speaking. Richard Stewart, of Pearl Beach, writes: "In response to an ASIC investigation into a company which made incorrect revenue statements the company noted that whilst revenue is down on reported expectations clients are presently in 'pre-revenue generating phase'. Guess that means the cheque's in the mail."

Inspired by all the items about ancient food items resting in our cupboards (C8), Evan Bailey, of Glebe, asks: "What about that ancient bottle of Blue Nun Liebfraumilch wine which was taken around from party to party in the 1970s, left with the hosts, but never drunk by them, or by anybody else?"

Mobile Phone Dementia (C8) is a comparatively harmless condition, according to Joy Cooksey, of Harrington. "Those afflicted only become 'agitated and disoriented' if they are left powerless."